“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”

Albert Camus

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about our decision to move. At this point in time, it’s not obvious whether or not we made a good choice.

Still, I find myself searching for the meaning behind all of this—or some sort of lesson. The reality is, there are thousands of tiny lessons—tiny wins & tiny failures. There are unforeseen consequences that slowly unravel over time. Likewise, as time moves forward, it all starts to feel normal.

That’s because at some point—we have to stop looking for the meaning and go back to living. Maybe it’s not so black & white. Maybe some choices are so gray—we aren’t able to see. Or again—maybe the lessons are small—like tiny cracks on dry hands that bleed in the cold. If we aren’t looking—we might not even notice.

Maybe there is a lesson to be learned somewhere down the road. Maybe it will come to us, over coffee, or hiking a trail, or while we’re painting our new kitchen. Maybe some day it will all make sense—or not?

I’ve decided to stop looking for the meaning. After all, meaning is overrated. Meaning is subjective. Meaning is finite. Meaning is a byproduct.

Frankly, I’m tired of beating myself up over this. I want to learn from my mistakes—but what if there is no lesson and I’m just wasting my time?

So I choose to live—meaning can find me.